Nicolette Lacson

Rhymes are fun. What better way to poke fun at your peers than by asininely using parallel syllables to jest. Tank goes with Frank like molester does Chester and beagle flows with Smeagol. Linking them is exponentially effective. Example: Carter the farter thinks he's so smarter. Not necessarily grammatically correct but you get the idea.

How bout Nicolette? There's cigarette, but even closer is GlaxoSmithKline's Nicorette, the nicotine-infused, absolutely nastiest chewing gum concoction ever made. It's the oral equivalent of what happened when ass met dirt and then decided to swan dive into a chewable-sized serving of malleable rubber. Gross. Their so-called flavors? Fresh Mint, Cinnamon Surge, Fruit Chill...don't let their confectionary monikers fool you, it's like adding seasoning to soil-far from palatable. Even the great Bourdain would likely have some Nicorette reservations.

The single good thing to have come from the abominable Nicorette invention is-besides giving Wrigley's something to laugh at-it rhymes with the ultra hot Nicolette, and thus giving an inane intro to this almost-didn't-make-it-by-deadline interview.

How was the Miss Philippines USA pageant?
It was fun! I really enjoyed being around other women who all shared the same goal: World Peace! [Laughs]. I placed Second Runner Up and enjoyed every minute of it.

So if something were to happen to the winner-a la grassy knoll, magical bullet theory, and LBJ-by default would you then be crowned?
No, because the First Runner Up would have taken her place, although I would have loved to!

Have a suitcase full of unmarked bills? I know some people who know people, uh, never mind. What's the Miss Philippines Tourism San Fernando Valley pageant all about?
Miss Philippines Tourism was a pageant that I won back in 2002.

It was a gathering of the Filipino community in the San Fernando Valley. I remember I had a beautiful turquoise dress; I looked like a mermaid.

A little mermaid perhaps? 'Cause I, like, totally want to be part of your world. On the subject of your world, are you from the Valley?
I grew up mostly in Glendale and Burbank...does Glendale count as the Valley??

I'm from Glendale! And for the record, I like to think that we're not part of the heat prone Valley. Favorite Valley Filipino restaurant: Goldilocks or Pinoy Pinay?
Neither. I don't really eat Filipino food unless my mom's the chef! Wait, what is Pinoy Pinay anyway? You're not even Filipino, how do you know these things?

Like I said, I know some people, who know some people. Teach me something in your native tongue, Tagalog. Ooh, I just said tongue.

Everybody knows all the bad words in Tagalog, so I will teach you something nice to say to a woman. Maganda ka which means you're beautiful. Carter, you should try it next time.

Maganda ka, can you cook?
Cook, hmmm...a little bit. I'm very meticulous, or I guess you can say picky when it comes to my food. I eat very healthy, which explains why I do not eat Filipino food very much. I do not eat any meat besides fish. I'm a "vege-quarian." I heard that from my girl Cherie. I love sushi!

How about Chincharron?
No way!

Fried pork skins...gag me like a spoon, what foods make you gag?
Anything with meat in it, especially red meat, so no steak houses for me!

Boo! You went to FIDM, how was the experience?
I absolutely loved it! It was like being in a fashion show everyday. I learned a lot from Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising (FIDM) and now I've been using what I've learned at college in my own business. I just started my own bikini line called LolliMe. I cater to mostly petite women, like myself. My bikinis, as of right now, only come in one size, but the one size fits most women I know. I've always had trouble finding bikinis that fit me, so one day I got so sick and tired of it, I started to make my own.